Fr. Francis Dorff, O. Praem.
-Interview conducted by Stephen Gaertner, O. Praem.
Recently, I sat down with Father Francis Dorff, one of a handful of bona fide Praemonstratensian “hermits” in the world (“fully retired” as Fr. Fran describes himself) to ask him a few questions about his daily life as a solemnly professed (and recessed) Norbertine of Santa Maria de la Vid Priory. His responses were, characteristically, both thoughtful and suggestive . . .
A typical day looks like I’m on vacation. What I mean by that is that it’s a day that holds a certain amount of emptiness. I’m living in a hermitage retreat area where every day is like a Sabbath. that doesn’t mean that there aren’t things that are scheduled—such as occasional community activities. But I experience them in the flow of my life. As a fully retired member of the community, I get to live the Sabbath all of the time. It requires me to be peaceful inside, and to be aware of where the Spirit is pointing me. I find it to be very creative. The most creative things come out of the time when I’m resting in God. My day is spent like a Sabbath or a day of retreat. I guess you could say I’m always in retreat.
I find God in the present moment. I’m not always in the present moment, but when I am, I’m truly attentive to the here and now, I’m attentive to the flow, the movement of life. I experience God in the Sacraments and the official prayer of the Church, too. That’s very nurturing, but not to the degree that it used to be for me. There’s a daily structure of ritual prayers and actions that’s an important part of the community’s daily schedule. My life is much less structured than that. So I don’t find God as much in specific ritual prayers and actions, but in whatever I’m doing right now.
Also, I’m reading some really good theologians—good minds fully dedicated to the Church and its renewal—men and women of great courage. I have their company in the hermitage, as well as some of the great saints and mystics, like Therese of Lisieux, and Teresa of Avila, and Augustine, who has always been an animator of my life. I experience God in these on-going relationships, as well as much more intensively in other persons, as I experience them as temples of the living God. That perspective is central to the rule of Augustans. I’m experiencing it in much greater depth these days. As a temple of God, I am a mystery to myself, a mystery containing God, and that’s true of every other person as well, and not just Roman Catholics. I don’t always live up to treating others and myself this way, but when I do it’s one of my greatest joys.
So, I meet God in attending to the flow of my life in the present moment, and the next present moment, and I’m going along with it. It’s as though I’m being led by God one step at a time, and I’m following it. I’m getting a lot of joy out of that these days. I’m not as goal-oriented as I used to be. Now I just go with this gifted flow of God moving within, through and around me.
I think that my fifty-eight years as a Norbertine have let me internalize the charism, or heart-felt gift, of the Norbertine tradition I know that because on one occasion, I was discerning whether or not I should enter a community of hermits. But what was most helpful in my discernment was the discovery that I am a Praemonstratensian deep down—I’m a Preamonstratensian semi-solitary. That is my deepest connection with the community as I experience it.
Another connection is that a lot of creative ideas can come from my solitude. Because I have this local community in my heart, I can contribute these ideas and projects to the work of founding this new community. This is a creative contribution I can make even in solitude. I find if you don’t live in a community all day, every day, but if you only come from time to time, you bring a different experience to it. I can also model a certain kind of leisure, which I think is the basis of culture and the foundation for deep relationships. There has to be a loving space and atmosphere between us, otherwise we wind up just building things together. We carry the mystery of our being in earthen vessels, so there must be space, so we don’t hurt one another. When I come up to the community, I’m like a visitor who’s not rushing anywhere, so guys have time to talk to me. That can be an important contribution to the community, if we’re really to be of one mind and one heart.
Also, I experience myself to be a reconciling presence in the community. As a young man, I liked to take heady counter positions, but now I get a greater joy out of apologizing to confreres. It builds heartfelt connections between brothers, and this is an essential part of our charism as Norbertines. About a third of our rule tells us how to reconcile with each other. I’ve written some things, too, and they will continue to contribute to the community. When their time comes, confreres and lay people may be able to profit from them. I’ve also been gifted to be a “big picture” person. Frequently, I have visions of what can be, even when nothing is there yet. I can dedicate some of my energies to realizing it. That gives me great joy. That “big picture” gift is something I bring to the community. I also know our tradition; I’ve studied it, I’ve taught it, I’ve lived it. It can help a young community, as it becomes a little younger, to have people speaking from their own long-standing experience. So these are a couple ways in which I contribute a little to the community.
I came to New Mexico nineteen years ago to minster to troubled and broken priests as spiritual director and teacher for seven years. Even though I didn’t live in community at that time, it put me in connection with Santa Maria as my closest community. Also, three of my best friends are here: Joel, the Prior, Gene, the Sub-prior, and Norbert Manders, who helped me up in the Jemez mountains with the ministry to priests and brothers. So I related immediately and fraternally. I belonged to another abbey but I was really a member of this community long before I officially joined it. Joining this community came quite naturally. It was a decision that made itself. This community promised to be a new start for me. We were just starting to move to the new property. I wanted to be a part of that, too. My friends wanted me to be on board, and I wanted to be on board, too. That attraction of friends is at the heart of our community tradition, and of the Gospel too, as I understand it. The community drew me to it.
I also felt that the experience and skill that I had would be more important to a small, struggling community than to a large community, which was troubled at that time. Also this place, by that I mean the mountains, the desert, the Rio Grande, are all spiritually charged places for me, not just places of natural beauty. They are sometimes called vortexes, or places that carry a spiritual and ancient energy. Where our priory is located speaks to me that way, as a spiritual teacher. So there were a lot of arrows pointing in the direction of coming here. Also, I was in transition. I came here a year after I had left my abbey to discern whether I was called to be a Camaldolese hermit. That discernment “packed my bags,” as they say. It prepared me to come to the desert.
As I child I loved the ocean (I’m a cancer). A year before I came here, I was offered several positions which I refused. I said to the Prior, “there’s no ocean here.” But a year later I was clearly called to the desert, whether there was an ocean here or not. I’ve often asked God, “Why did you put a water person here in the desert?” God’s answer was, “To dig a well.” There’s a lot of water under this desert, at a deep level. And I have to say, I thank God for bringing me here every day, for the hermitage, and for the hermitage retreat, which is a gift of contemplation, solitude and spiritual beauty to people of every race, religion and stage of life. I have a ministry of presence here that I wouldn’t have had in any other place that I know. That’s what draws me here, and what drew me initially to become a Norbertine. I saw the Norbertines who taught me in high school in South Philly praying and teaching together as a family of friends. I wanted to be a part of that family, and I thank God that I am. And that just about says it for now.